Let's Look at Glassdoor Reviews...For Glassdoor the Company!

I woke up this morning and learned that US weekly jobless claims jumped to 6.64 million in the week that ended Saturday, per the US Labor Department.. That is more than double the prior week's report, which itself reflected filings that more than quadrupled the previous record.

Here's a chart to really help you feel it (email subscribers, click through it you don't see the chart below).  Thanks COVID-19!

Unemployment

With charts like that, you know what's coming for a lot of HR and TA pros out there? Glassdoor reviews! It's the game HR people love to hate, which for me means it's time for the analysis you've been waiting for:

Let's look at the Glassdoor Reviews.. For Glassdoor the Company!

To get you level set, you can travel to Glassdoor's page on... Glassdoor!. Click here to go the reviews, and I'm sharing a screenshot of the review home page below as well.  Scroll down and I'll give you my top 4 observations about Glassdoor's reviews as a company after the jump. (email subscribers, click through for images below)

Screenshot 2020-04-02 11.15.06

 

Now you're interested, right? Glassdoor rates as a 4.0, which is good but probably not what you expected from Glassdoor. Here's my analysis of what that overall rating means along with some other observations after digging in a bit:

1--Glassdoor actually drinks the kool-aid/eats the dog food and allows current and former employees to leave negative reviews. Many of you are/were skeptical, and that's OK. But dig in, and you'll see the negative reviews in the profile, just like your company - all with an ax to grind.

2.--The Glassdoor cumulative rating of 4.0 is actually at least a 3.5 for every other company, maybe less. Why? Simple, Glassdoor has to be better than anyone else on earth in asking their employees to consider leaving a review. Think about it, it's part of what they sell in their packages - we'll teach you to make/manage review requests from people who have experienced positive events - a promotion, a big salary bump, etc. For that reason, they have to have more of the "by request" positive reviews than any other company on the planet. That means the 4.0 could be adjusted to a 3.5 via the KD.com-glassdoorindex, maybe more. I'll let you decide whether you would drop them further with this component in mind.

3--Glassdoor has the same problems you have. While it's hard to find, dig into the reviews and you'll find the same pain other people have - Customer service reps, sales people, etc - leaving hard reviews mixed in with the super positive/super pumped reviews. As with all companies, the best reviews aren't the 1-star or the 5-star (even though it's fun to rubberneck at the 1 and 2 star reviews) - the most helpful reviews are the balanced feedback reviews in the 3-star range, and the 4-star reviews that give meaningful "cons" about working at Glassdoor. Here's the slice of Customer Success Manager Reviews, which comes in a "winter is coming" 2.7 overall rating.

Screenshot 2020-04-02 11.11.34

4--Where are the ugly people? I kid. Maybe. As you would expect, Glassdoor has done a nice job of taking the employer profile and making sure the art is maximized through photos. But most of the photos are a bit staged for my taste, which is a choice. It would be cool to see one shot of someone talking on a video call to one of you (The HR/TA leader), with you doing what you do - being irate and trying to get Glassdoor to remove a review that names your SVP of Sales by name and actually logs his time in/time out of the office over the course of a week. 

TL;DR summary of my review of Glassdoor the company via Glassdoor reviews - they're more like your company than you might think. Adjust for the fact they're better than anyone related to generating positive reviews in their company, and they look like the rest of America for the most part.

Now about those unemployment numbers...


The HR Famous Podcast: E8 - Video Work Meetings: Winning On ZOOM

In Episode 8 of The HR Famous Podcast, long-time HR leaders (and friends) Tim Sackett and Kris Dunn (Jessica Lee on break) get together with Dawn Burke (Senior Writer at Fistful of Talent, Sr. Consultant at Recruiting Toolbox) to talk about video meeting etiquette, their virtual meeting pet peeves and their wildest video call stories.

The team shares their tips and tricks on tech, framing and lighting for your video calls. Talking about their pet peeves leads to the importance of connection, Zoom’s questionable feature on attention metrics, and how to be aware of nonverbal cues. KD closes by prompting the team to share some embarrassing video call moments that you won’t want to miss.

Listen below and be sure to subscribe, rate and review (iTunes) and follow (Spotify)!!! Listen on iTunesSpotify and Google Play.

Show Highlights: 

1:30 - Tim says Michigan isn’t shut down completely – YET and the team welcomes special guest, senior writer at FoT, Dawn Burke. Dawn explains she doesn’t eat cat food, and life’s good followed by Tim and KD talking COVID-19 toilet paper memes.

5:00- KD dives deep into best practices for video meetings. Kris gives a shout out to Craig Fisher and talk about how not to suck at video – thinking about your camera, mic and lighting… Tim talks tech with wifi vs. hardwire – and calls out KD on his bad internet, and KD blames his kids who are now home and “streaming”.

8:30- Dawn talks the importance of having the basics first, lighting second… but if you are looking for the right light, there are amazon purchases that makes video calls cleaner, neater and brighter. She highly recommends the selfie ring light.

10:45 -The team digs into the pet peeves. KD’s first: framing and shitty backgrounds. Tim and Dawn agree first on their list is learn how to MUTE.  

17:20 – KD asks “What is your dream video meeting background?” Dawn would be in a coffee shop with Jesus in the background. Tim goes 80’s arcade and KD wants a Wu-Tang jpeg. But what you really want, is something that starts conversation.

22:25- KD talks about how your company culture follows you into virtual meetings. “There’s attention metrics on tools like Zoom and the host of the meeting can get a notification if you aren’t paying close attention for 30 seconds” A hack for those with questionable manager techniques… keep Zoom as your active window and get your other windows set before the call is the recommendation.

27:45- The team discusses if it’s important to be looking into the camera. Tim mentions it’s one of his pet peeves – “eye contact is one of our physical ques that indicate if someone’s engaged”

33:30- KD says the best guidance for video meetings, is to show non-verbal ques and interaction because that will help you thrive over those who aren’t picking up those ques.Tim and Dawn go into more advice. Tim says headphones keep you locked in and Dawn says everyone working from home will make our work places better in the future.

37:45 Tim, KD and Dawn start sharing their video call horror stories. From spouses crawling across the floor in the background, embarrassing notifications on shared screens to Dawn’s cat cameos.

Show Resources:

Jessica Lee on LinkedIn

Tim Sackett on Linkedin

Kris Dunn on LinkedIn

HRU Tech

The Tim Sackett Project

The HR Capitalist

Fistful of Talent

Kinetix

Boss Leadership Training Series


Furloughs/Layoffs During COVID-19: Best Delivered Via Video or an Analog Call?

I've got a post up at Fistful of Talent this morning called How S**T Got Sideways as Companies Furloughed/Laid Off People in the COVID-19 Meltdown.

The gist of that post is as follows - a LOT of companies over the last two weeks have communicated bad news (personal news of impact due to furlough/layoff) to groups of Up in the air2employees at the same time, which is about as far from a best practice as you can get.

But it begs another question. During this COVID-19 period where everyone is home, my first instinct when doing it the right way would be to use the tools companies are already using - Zoom, Skype, etc - and do a personal video call with any employee impacted by furlough or layoff.

As HR leaders and pros, we're conditioned to deliver the news in person. Facing the music and not avoiding the discomfort of the situation, we've been conditioned to believe that this news is best delivered face to face.

I still believe that, but here's a twist. Since working from home is new to many, and since circumstances are so unusual (kids at home because school isn't running, spouses at home from their work), is it possible that the best way to deliver layoff news in a 1/1 setting isn't a video call, but a normal analog audio call?

Based on my training, it's hard not to want the face to face interaction. But we're in unusual times, and many of the folks you might have to talk to via video call in a COVID-19 furlough/layoff situation aren't used to communicating via video - there is and will continue to be a form of discomfort with the medium, especially for unusual news and circumstances.

In that situation, is it better to deliver the 1/1 news via a normal phone call than a Zoom/Skype video call?  A call might be the best way to go.

The right answer is it depends - you have to know your team, the company, the culture - and make the best choice for you.

Hang in their HR, TA and manager of people peeps. Things are going to get better. Ping me if I can help you.

 


#COVID-19: The Truth About Video Calls and Your Career...

Time for some tough love. If you're a white collar worker and you've been moved to WFH (work from home), odds are your team/company is experimenting with video meetings/calls to keep you connected with your team.

They providers are many - Zoom, Go To Meeting, WebEx, Skype, Microsoft Teams, etc. Video

The provider really doesn't matter. Here's a piece of advice on team video calls from your friend, aka KD:

Don't get comfortable. Get your head around how to separate yourself from the pack on video meetings/calls.

The tiles I've seen of people sharing meetings of 15-20 people in a Zoom meeting show the humanity. It's a freak show.

Why is this on my mind? Just got done taping an episode of The HR Famous Podcast, with Tim Sackett and guest Dawn Burke (Jessica Lee on break), and some of the things we worked through were best practices for making yourself look great during video calls, but more importantly, the game behind the game with video calls.

A lot of white collar workers are new to the video meeting/call game. Let me give you three pieces of solid advice:

  1. Frame yourself well - head and shoulders shot, pec level and above. Be seen in a good way.  See this awesome video by Craig Fisher (aka Fishdogs) for the basics, but get to head and shoulders in your framing. Now that the basics are covered, let me break down the most important things for your career...
  2. Look into the camera. It matters more than you think it does.
  3. When important people to your career are talking - look into the camera and give non-verbal cues that you're listening and agree - head nods, etc.

I'm guessing 20-25% of all white collar work hours were remote in nature before COVID-19. It just went to 95% plus. That means a lot of you need someone to tell you the truth related to how to do video meetings at work the right way.

The workplace has always been competitive. If you're part of a 5-10 person team that is meeting virtually for the first time, you've got an opportunity.

The opportunity is that no one is coaching you on how to do video right. Do the three things I've outlined above, and subconsciously, the people that matter and have influence in your career are going to feel better about you vs your peers who aren't following the same advice.

You - framed well, took Fishdogs buying guide, looking at the camera and nodding when important people are talking (do it when everyone is sharing thoughts if my "important people" advice is troubling).

Them - not framed well, never look at the camera and zero non-verbal cues that they are listening and engaged.

Who wins that battle if you're the boss looking over a team? 

Who wins that battle when tough decisions are made to decide who has the capability to work from home in an uncertain economic environment moving forward?

You win, that's who - if you follow the basic advice.

It's me - KD - with real talk. Your friend. Don't think your normal approach works on video. Get connected and be present on video calls. The tiles I've seen of people sharing meetings of 15-20 people in a Zoom meeting show the humanity.

We're in uncertain times. You think you're a high performer if you've read this far.

Go perform and win in the video call, my friends. It matters. 


myCorona: Let's Leave the #COVID19 Messages to the Experts...

You know what I'm talking about, my friends. COVID-19 messages from the companies you have some type of relationship with.

There's a set of organizations where messages on COVID-19 are either mission-critical or welcomed. Included in that group are hospitals and health care organizations, companies communicating with workforces, government entities, schools, places for food and a few others. Gotta hear from those mission critical folks, and for the most part, they are doing an outstanding job.

Then there's everyone else. Here's a running list of who I didn't need to hear from related to COVID-19:

--Any clothing retailer, either online or bricks and mortar. Shopping for your gear isn't at the top of my list. Just because I ordered an Alkaline Trio t-shirt from you in 2015 doesn't mean I need to know where you're at on all of this. Express is closing at the mall? Got it, thanks. 

--Any tech or information provider I pay. Last time I checked, your tech worked. Not super critical I hear from you. Ping me if it goes down and tell me what the plan is then. Note that I will be thinking that still having internet access is awesome at least 4 times a day. But, if you're offering additional services (New York Times dropping paywall for some content, energy and tech companies not cutting people off due to unpaid bills, etc.), you can email me as much as you want, even if I don't benefit or need it. Good job by you!

--Cole-Haan. I know, they're a retailer (shoes), but I had to list them here for special consideration, as they sent me a note last night that they "Are With Us". Check, good to know. Are the 11.5's still available in the grey ZeroGrand? Damn, never mind.

--Anyone selling something that's not mission critical. Of course, that's in the eye of the beholder, so if you have a solution that can help someone right now, do your thing. But that guilt ploy note (the 7th in a series) I got from the LinkedIn Learning guy late yesterday noting that "learning and development must not be at the top of my list right now" felt a bit off, right?  Probably stand down on the raw lead generation troops for a week as a best practice.

I get it, you feel the need to tell people you're connected and understand - but if you're on the outer ring of what really matters right now, just be responsive when we have a question. I guarantee your Net Promoter Score will be more impacted by that than the 5-paragraph email you just sent that says your company - a fine provider of mid-range men's shirts- is tracking the situation.

As for the hospitals, government entities and retailers of essentials (food, etc) - god bless you and thanks for all you're doing and everything to come!


myCorona: The One Thing To Remember As a Manager of People on 3.20.20...

Short post today, because there's a lot going on.

What, just me?

Seriously, though - what follows is all you need to remember and the biggest value I can provide for the good people that read this blog and are managers.

You've got a lot going on as a manager at your organization in a pandemic world. There's craziness everywhere and lots to do, and nothing to be done all at the same time.

Don't forget this reality - the world likely changed from a candidate's market to something completely different in less than a week. We've yet to see it or hear it, but businesses impacted by decreasing revenues are likely to slow hiring and at times, impact employees through reduced schedules, unpaid leave and yes, layoffs.  

That means for the foreseeable future, it's not a candidate's market anymore.

The flip side of that is that there's a lot of doubt among employee ranks when it comes to what the future holds.

You probably aren't sure what the future holds. That's OK. The most important thing you can do is be available.

I'm coming off of a killer two-week schedule on a couple of projects. I haven't been as available as I would like.

This week is important. I don't have to have all the answers, I just have to be available and around. Faster response time to emails and texts. Quality calls (no face to face, right?).

Don't hide this week.


THE HR FAMOUS PODCAST: E5 – CORONAVIRUS, FACE-TOUCHING AND HR

In Episode 5 of The HR Famous Podcast, long-time HR leaders (and friends) Jessica Lee, Tim Sackett and Kris Dunn get together to talk about all things Coronavirus (COVID-19) and HR, including their personal views, why companies don't plan more for bad things happening and of course, the HR mechanics that have to be figured out by HR leaders in the US if COVID-19 continues to escalate. 

Deep conversations around what a sniffle now means, bias around sniffles, managers with a bias to tell people to come to work, and the sticky mess that navigating pay for hourly workers with the condition or waiting to be tested will invariably cause for organizations with narrow profitability. 

Listen below and be sure to subscribe, rate and review (iTunes) and follow (Spotify)!!! Listen on iTunesSpotify and Google Play.

 

Show Highlights:

1:45 - Tim isn't a fan of the COVID-19 death tally. The gang discusses the requirement for government agencies to be transparent and inform vs the insane media cycle we're in related to the numbers, as well as all the things with huge negative numbers that don't get reported.

3:20 - Are we hopelessly behind in America related to planning for contagion? What's HR's role in preparing for the worst? The gang discusses not being the panicked HR leader vs the appropriate mode of prep and concern for your organization. 

6:21 - Tim brings up the point that it's not the team eligible for "work for home" you must figure out - it's the hourly employees who don't get paid if Funny-meme-about-people-touching-their-face-coronavirus-cdc-covid-19they don't come to work.

7:45 - KD talks about the challenges of someone getting sick - still the cold and flu season - how do you figure out when to let people work with sniffles and when it's a risk?  KD also breaks down what conferences are doing (if they are holding live conferences vs cancelling or going virtual). TRANSLATION: BE PREPARED TO BE TEMPERATURE SCANNED.

9:35 - The HRF team talks about how far we're willing to go as HR pros - are we ready to temperature scan employees before they're allowed to work? JLee talks about the fear that people have when someone coughs, as well as questions she gets asked - "have you been to Asia recently?" (aka, the cough of a PacRim person means more than someone else).

12:45 - KD talks about some hopeful news - that new cases in China have decreased (related to the trend line) for the first time and China is shutting down one of the first pop up hospitals it built in response to the decrease in the trend line.

15:20 - JLee, Tim and KD talk about the complexity of paid time off in the Coronavirus era. If someone comes down with COVID-19, will average companies provide 14 days of paid leave to impacted employees? Are they willing to put people on a form of paid leave when they are waiting for a test?  We're back to the issue of hourly employees who don't get paid if they're not at work being patient zero within a single company - they come to work when they're sick, a time-honored event we don't see changing with COVID-19 unless great HR pros help their companies figure it out.

Resources:

Jessica Lee on LinkedIn

Tim Sackett on Linkedin

Kris Dunn on LinkedIn

HRU Tech

The Tim Sackett Project

The HR Capitalist

Fistful of Talent

Kinetix

Boss Leadership Training Series

 

THE HR FAMOUS PODCAST: E4 – Microaggressions

In Episode 4 of The HR Famous Podcast, long-time HR leaders (and friends) Jessica Lee, Tim Sackett and Kris Dunn get together to dip into uncomfortable territory by talking about microaggressions - what are they, how they manifest themselves and what HR leaders can do to make awareness of microaggressions part of their broader D&I stack.

Listen below and be sure to subscribe, rate and review (iTunes) and follow (Spotify)!!! Listen on iTunesSpotify and Google Play.

Microaggressions can be defined as brief and commonplace daily verbal or environmental indignities, whether intentional or unintentional, that communicate hostile, derogatory, or negative prejudicial slights and insults toward any group, particularly culturally marginalized groups.

There's less laughter in this one - but more real talk. Tough topic, but if you're an HR leader or HR pro, 100% worth your time to raise your awareness and lead your organization accordingly.

Show Highlights:

3:10 - KD intros the topic of microaggression, tells the gang why it's on his mind and gets sidetracked automatically because JLee and Tim don't donate at least annually to Wikipedia. 

6:20 - KD finally gets the definition of microaggression out using Wikipedia as his primary source. Turns out the concept has been around since 1970.

7:40 - JLee and Tim react to the concept of microaggression as individuals and HR pros. JLee talks about being from Cali, but people persisting in asking where she's from. Tim talks about the fact that people seek connection by asking others where they are from in metro/urban environments and may be unaware of the connection to microaggression, as well as the fact they might be offending someone.

11:25 - KD leads the gang through the game, "Is it a microaggression? JLee gives great thoughts about low awareness of those providing the microaggression and why the subject of a microaggression should think about giving feedback to the provider. 

Covered in this game:

--Where are you really from?

--Asking where are you from to white people with accents.

--Gender references (Sir, Ma'am) and being wrong.

--You don't speak Spanish?

--No, you're white!

--Hey Guys!

22:00 - The gang talks about the impact of microaggressions in the workplace, and how HR leaders should start the conversation in their companies, etc.  Linkage to bias training and starting to raise awareness as well as training to lay down a form of behavioral muscle memory across employees is discussed. Framing awareness training as civility rather than the foreboding term microaggression is also discussed.

25:20 - Tim talks about the need to train and coach people to accept feedback (someone telling them they're using a microaggression) in a graceful way rather than feeling attacked or defensive. 

28:00 - KD talks about introducing the topic of microaggressions at your next training session/meeting by conducting a simple quiz like the one performed on the podcast to get people talking.  Get ready! Tim talks about the fact that many people would say that doesn't actually happen, and a better path might be to have people who have experienced microaggressions talk about their experiences.

29:40 - KD points out that the quiz they did didn't include the nuclear bomb of all microaggressions - "You're so articulate". 

30:45 - "OK, Boomer!" Tim drops the fact that when it comes to bias, ageism is an under discussed topic, including microaggressions towards older workers. KD talks about JLee referencing the fact that he looks older while she looks the same. 

31:57 - KD talks about the fact that he routinely calls JLee a Tiger Mom and asks her if she's considered that a microaggression in the past.  JLee provides positive feedback, but notes that others that hear it might consider it a microaggression even if she doesn't.

Resources:

Jessica Lee on LinkedIn

Tim Sackett on Linkedin

Kris Dunn on LinkedIn

HRU Tech

The Tim Sackett Project

The HR Capitalist

Fistful of Talent

Kinetix

Boss Leadership Training Series


The World Needs More Businesses that Call Bull**** on Ageism...

In today's cancel culture, it has never been easier to be accused of discrimination, and never been more important to watch what you say. 

But there's one big group that no one really cares if you make fun of, treat poorly or generally ignore and at times, show bias towards.

OLD PEOPLE.

Look around. People over 50 get laid off all the time, get made fun of and generally live in fear of not being able to provide for themselves or their families. To be clear, I don't give a s*** about "OK, Boomer!" - if you can't take that without ID'ing it as discrimination, then you're probably not tough enough to be someone I want to work with, regardless of age.

That's why this ad, from the creative agency FEARLESS, was so awesome. Take a look at the ad and we'll talk about it after the jump (email subscribers, enable images or click through, you'll want to see this one):

Fearless

Ian David from FEARLESS first shared this ad. Here's more of what he shared in his LinkedIn post:

"Our writers, art directors, strategists, producers, directors, editors, designers, and account managers are chosen on talent, not age. They're in their 20s, 30s, 40s, 50s, and 60s, and every single one of them is a total badass at what they do. 

Teams that draw on the full gamut of experience are the kind more and more clients are demanding to see looking back at them in presentations and pitches.

This shouldn't be surprising. With the average age of the consumer steadily rising, and the over-50s outspending the under-30s by a country mile, the ability to harness the broadest possible range of creative perspective is a distinct advantage; shallow and narrow are no match for deep and wide.

Adults over 50 buy 60% of all new cars, yet only 5% of advertising dollars are targeted at anyone over 35. Think about that the next time you see a car ad with a young 30-something behind the wheel. The folks buying BMWs and Mercedes are doing so despite the advertising not because of it. Imagine what the sales numbers would be like if we directed our messages to the right audience. It's the same story across a whole raft of industries, and as a consequence, huge opportunities are being lost.

If traditional agencies don't want to take the aging consumer seriously, then we will. We have the people, the know-how, and the chops to speak to them intelligently. There's also a burning desire to end ageism raging in our DNA."

Bravo, Ian David. Keep doing you on this topic. It's awesome.

Closing note. If you're over 40 or 50, it's easy to applaud, right?

Not so fast my friend. You've got a role in this too. While you might not look like dude in the ad (females, think about what the equivalent would be), you've got to do your part as an older worker to stay relevant.

Be curious. 

Stop thinking the kids you work with should get the F*** off your lawn.

Improve your knowledge and skills accordingly.

Upgrade the way your dress to fit the times.

Do what it takes to have the energy required to show you're engaged and ready to get shit done.

Perform.

Don't sit in the back and hope that a layoff doesn't happen to you.

If you're in a management role, you've got two goals this year. Coach older talent to be the things I've listed above to ensure they stay relevant, and think about the value that the right older workers provide given the market opportunity listed by Ian.

Don't discount great older talent.

Older talent - be better.


If You're Pointing Me To Your Automated Calendar to Pick a Time, You've Already Lost Me...

Stop me when you've felt one of these before:

1.  You and Person B are friends and/or business associates and have a relationship that is beyond the initial stages.

2.  Person B (without the relationship listed above) has asked you for help/assistance via a meeting where they can have some your your (valuable?) time.

3.  Person B works for a company you're paying for some type of service.

So imagine one of the forms of Person B has reached out to you.  All of those forms of Person B are a bit different, but one thing is for sure - you're at least equal in the relationship, and in #2 and #3, it's fair to say that at least for now, you're the more important party in the 2-way relationship.

Which is neither good nor bad.  Until Person B does the following to set up a meeting with you after you've agreed to meet:

PERSON B SENDS YOU AN AUTOMATED LINK TO THIER CALENDAR AND ENCOURAGES YOU TO SELECT A TIME THAT THEY ARE OPEN.

PERSON B IS VERY BUSY.  THEY'VE AUTOMATED THEIR SCHEDULING.

PERSON B NEEDS YOUR TIME.  BUT RATHER THAN WORK A COUPLE OF EMAILS WITH YOU TO FIGURE OUT WHAT'S GOOD FOR YOU, THEY'RE TELLING YOU WHAT'S GOOD FOR THEM - VIA TECHNOLOGY.

Goodbye relationship.  Hello automated future!

Here's what you signal to me when you are Person B and you send me an automated process that "invites" me to select a block on your busy calendar:

1--You're treating me like the cable company does.

2--The cable company doesn't really give two shits about making me feel like there's a relationship.

3--The last time I checked, you didn't provide HBO (game of thrones) or Showtime (Billions) as part of our relationship.

4--It's fair to say since you aren't the distributor of Game of Thrones, I'm less willing to feel like a transaction related to our relationship and your unwillingness to spend a little time to make me feel like we're connecting when asking me to spend time with you.

Hey Person B (which is all of us from time to time, right?), watch the transactional nature of the scheduling services you're using when you ask me for time.

Or as an alternative - find a service that will easily look at my calendar without setting up an account or will automate the process of you having a brief conversation with me.

Isn't that the promise of AI?  How about automating the process and making me feel like I'm having a conversation with Person B?  That would be cool and acceptable.

Or you can just treat me like the cable company does and see how that works out for you.

Related: Get off my lawn.