Some of those hotel robes are pretty comfortable.

Being a European following your blog, the fact that this constitutes solid advice tells me two things. Firstly, people in America lack common sense (there's an ever-growing body if evidence for that anyway) and secondly if I have to hold meetings with women in public it tells me a lot of the underlying morality and integrity of feminism...this is scary stuff. If the current feministic trends become this militant then it will have an opposite effect manifested through for example by people taking their ball and going home...

"And for the ladies I should mention this (morality alert!), if you're married, don't be a sleaze. Honor the commitment. But if you're incapable of that, stay out of the workplace, Jack."
Why is the "don't be a sleaze" admonishment saved for the ladies?? Why do the ladies get the command to honor the commitment?? And in the very public cases we've been hearing about lately, it is not the consentual, relationships between co-workers that we're talking about. It's the coersion, and the abuse of power and objectification of women that we're talking about. All of these suggestions miss the mark, in my opinion. All one should have to say is treat your female co-workers in the same manner you would treat your male co-workers. These suggestions still have a tone of "I'm not sure I can be trusted to be in control of myself in the presence of a woman." What really needs to shift is the thinking that your female co-workers, or any woman for that matter, are somehow yours to do your bidding or to please you. The Rock test is the one that comes closest to setting the right tone and simplifying the "advice." So your suggestions aren't "take our ball and go home" but they are still "let's change the rules of the ballgame just to be safe."

Hi Addie -

OK, couple of things - the syntax of how I wrote that might be confusing - that "for the ladies" thing was still advice for the guys - meaning, you should honor the commitment to your wife. I felt the need to write that since I'm happily married for over two decades, and have never had a thought about straying. I can see where if you're looking to blow me up that you might read it the way you reacted. For anyone who reads this - the don't be a sleaze is directed at the guys- sorry if that was unclear. There's little sleaze on the female side - there's too much (some would say a lot) on the guy side, although the guys that aren't sleaze bags hate being framed in that company - me included.

Also, I've taken a good bit of abuse on social and through email from this post. I would encourage all who want to say, "how about not harassing women" or "see the rock post" to think about what I was reacting to - the news that some powerful men are just eliminating meetings with women. The advice related to where to meet and how to stay on task and not go down stupid paths was in reaction to that news. Way too many guys will simply shrug and say, "I guess I should disengage" which is crazy. Better to have some helpful reminders to stay above reproach than to disengage completely.

Here's where the Rock post doesn't hold up. I would absolutely listen to the Rock talk about his love life, and would also let details run longer than is probably ideal. After all, he's the Rock. But if I get into that area with a female and ask a follow up question, suddenly I'm in harm's way, and in an area I really shouldn't be in from a business perspective. The Rock post - while awesome - isn't practical on every level. I would absolutely shoot the sh*t with the Rock in a free and loose way - because he is awesome. I'm putting risk in place for me and my company if I do the same thing with a female employee/business partner, etc.

Addie, you wrote "these suggestions still have a tone of "I'm not sure I can be trusted to be in control of myself in the presence of a woman." I think most men can absolutely trust themselves in the presence of a woman. Unfortunately, the same men might be scared to death of misinterpretation, which is why they would choose to disengage, as the NYT article suggests - which is unacceptable. Women have too much talent - we need their knowledge, skills and ability to get the best business results - 100% of the time.

Men are awesome. I'm one of them. Unfortunately, we're also idiots in many circumstances. I come forward with thoughts to help - not to divide.

Thanks for engaging. Makes me a better writer when you catch me being lazy with the words.

KD

I appreciate your taking the time to follow up on my comments. I stand by my original comment, however, that it's still suggesting men play by different rules with female co-workers. When you're out for dinner on a business trip with the Rock and he talks about his life outside of work you can listen and empathize. You can do that with a female co-worker. They are still people after all. You can steer the conversation out of the personal waters just like you would with a man if you feel that you're entering "TMI" territory. But the complaints women are making about sexual harassment aren't because some male co-worker listened to her talk about personal struggles outside of work. The complaints come when he sees that as an opportunity/invitation to make an unwanted advance. I agree that men shouldn't take their marbles and go home, but neither should they treat a female co-worker like a ticking time bomb.