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The Goodell/Trump Handshake: Don't Let Someone Play You...

If there's one time-honored tradition in anything related to Human Capital, it is the handshake.  The handshake is both a formality, a throwaway, and yes - one of the most important non-verbal communication forms available.

Hello there! Are you a human being, a limp fish that someone on my team is going to tire-track next week and I'll have to clean it up or... and incredible asshole?

The handshake is our first chance to determine any and all of that - and more.

That's why the recent stuff related to the Donald Trump handshake is so fascinating to me.  I didn't pick up on this until last week, and before I was aware of the Trump handshake, saw something similar when Roger Goodell sought out Tom Brady on the field after the SuperBowl.  

Let's just agree to call it the alpha asshole handshake.  Here's your playbook if you want to use it on someone:

  1. Reach out and get your hand close to their body - that means you are waaaaaay past the half way point to them, almost touching them.
  2. Grab their hand hard.
  3. Pull their ####er ####ing hand in a seated row fashion direct to your hip in a way that makes their whole body rotate. If one of their feet doesn't almost come off the floor, you're soft.  Sad!
  4. If you feel like it, pump it furiously.

The whole secret to this handshake is that you win when you get your hand into their body, get their hand and then jerk the hand forward.

I knew this handshake long before Trump.  It means you mainlined some bad fake Zig Ziglar stuff and are convinced this is how you play to win.

It also means that once you do it to me, I'll trust you as far as I can throw you.  And I'm more of an aerobic guy, so that's not far.



Disgruntled Mime

I swear to god, someone Trumpshakes my hand, they're gonna be picking teeth up from the ground with the hand that isn't broken


Google "Trump handshake' for compilation videos of him and even psychological breakdowns of it/

Maybe Trump is Bill Paxton's (RIP) character Chet as a grownup. Google THAT for some better laughs!

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