Jon Hyman at the Ohio Employer's Law Blog recently came across some opinion that suggested employees really don't have enough rights in America.

So he did what any other reasonable person would do.  He listed 15 huge classifications of laws that have been passed over the past 50 years protecting employees, then he went bat shit crazy on the author by riffing an EMPLOYER'S BILL OF RIGHTS.  It's too good not to share - go read it here now, and I'm sharing the first three of a list of ten "rights" that employers deserve to get you to read the whole thing.  Here are the first three employer rights:

1. The Right to Hire on Qualifications and Fire on Performance: We want to be able to hire a white male under the age of 40 without fear of a lawsuit from every protected class we did not hire. We want to be able to fire without the fear of an expensive lawsuit when you fail to perform.
2. The Right to Criticize: Every performance review is not an attempt to push you out the door. Believe it or not, every employee we hire represents an investment by us. We want that investment to bear a substantial return. Criticism is meant be a constructive attempt to help you improve, not a destructive set-up for you to fail.
3. The Right to Control Operations: We know how many people we need to employ, how many shifts we need to run, and how many facilities we need to operate. Most importantly, we know what can afford to remain profitable. If we have to shutter or relocate a plant, lay people off, or furlough hours, it’s not because we are discriminating against you; it’s because it’s necessary for us to remain open and able to employ anyone at all.

I'm nominating Jon Hyman as the Czar of Common Sense.  Go to his blog and subscribe now - one of the best in a crowded employment law blog space.