If You Want to Be Average, Don't Grind Out the Hours...(Just Don't Bitch About Tiger Mom)
February 16, 2011
Andy Porter had a nice post up at Fistful of Talent a week or two ago related to the concept of the Tiger Mom. For those of you who haven't seen it, the concept of the Tiger Mom was covered in an article in the Wall Street Journal - Why Chinese Mothers are Superior by Amy Chua, aka the Tiger Mom.
The bottom line of the concept? Your kids don't reach mastery by you being soft on them. For similar takes related to what it takes to be great in anything, see Outliers by Malcolm Gladwell or Talent is Overrated by Geoff Colvin.
Being great in anything generally takes three things according to Gladwell and Colvin:
1. Thousands of hours of work,
2. Access to facilities/tools/instruments, and
3. A coach who's willing to push you and give you constant, on demand feedback (that's Tiger Mom, people - and it's not limited to those of Asian descent).
Is pushing a kid in a single direction bad for the kid? Maybe.
But maybe not. What's interesting about the whole Tiger Mom/Outliers/Talent is Overrated body of work is that choices have to be made. You can pursue a couple of things hard. Academics obviously need to be one of those, but then, you have to make a choice. Musical instrument? Sports? Writing?
You can't do it all and reach mastery. What's interesting as I watch my own kids is that a Tiger Mom/Dad type is required to get the base amount of hours in towards mastery of anything. The kid is not going to do it on his own.
But then, especially if competition is involved, a funny thing can happen. If they get the base hours in and they're successful, sometimes they want to practice and work. The success, and the self-esteem that comes with it, can be addicting. If they understand that limited mastery came from the work, they're more open to the work.
Of course, the grind required to get to that point isn't fun. But I have to think that the ability to grind comes in really handy later in life when they've chosen a profession and everyone around them has talent.
At that point, the ability to grind can take over. The ability to outwork and outgrind others around you is a pretty good life skill if the kid understands what results over time.
If you want to be average, don't grind out the hours and don't choose to chase one or two things really hard...just don't bitch about Tiger Mom...
Kris,
Let's take a different perspective but change the ages. Developmentally you reach a point after college/grad school/med school/law school where you stay current, excited,enthused, engaged in your life work or NOT. Those that practice their profession with enthusiasm are tiger except they are intrinsically motivated. Those that don't(and they exist in every profession) are by title professional but have been faux like in their presentation. We may know them, others may not be hip to this. So, tiger behavior transfers into our adult lives and if motivated we have the steering wheel this time.
Bob Weigand
Director,Organizational Development
St. Luke's Hospital & Health Network
Posted by: bob weigand | February 16, 2011 at 11:23 AM
As tough, or tougher: being a Tiger Manager. Your kids have no choice. With employees, I've had a difficult time in the past accepting that many/most are in it for a job and a paycheck. It's hard to motivate someone who truly doesn't want to excel. Guess that goes back to good hiring practices!
Posted by: Tom L | February 16, 2011 at 12:13 PM
It's those that know how to grind out the hours & are familiar with working hard for what you want that become those A-Players that every company is looking for. Those that don't whine about how long it takes to achieve the next level of success. Those that don't expect to get hired with little more than 15 minute phone screen. It's those that have been trained by the "Tiger Mom" type that actually get ahead because they are not falling into the entitlement generation- they defy it. They are climbing the ladder while the rest are sitting around waiting for it all to be handed to them.
Posted by: Gina | February 17, 2011 at 10:16 AM
Sounds like a bunch of baby-boomers talking to me. How about a shout out to working smart. The older generation does not seem to know how to do this. 12-14 hour days working on things the way they've always worked on them. They do not know how to leverage technology. There is a law of diminishing returns on those who spend all day at the office. Keep managing by time cards and see where it gets you. Putting in your time is not as important as what you're putting out. A steaming cup of coffee on the desk may equal long hours, but does not equal hard work or productivity.
Posted by: Brandon | February 17, 2011 at 03:35 PM
Brandon makes some interesting observations particularly round working smarter not harder. I'm a Gen X HR practitioner in the IT Consulting industry and agree its true a proportion of the older generation don't leverage technology as much as they could and this can affect their output. But having said that, they often bring a much greater ability to problem solve difficult issues, which younger, faster working generations sometimes lack and which technology can't always help with.Perhaps this is something that was instilled in them by their Tiger moms or perhaps they gained it through experience younger generations don't have yet.
At the end of the day, effective output from someone who is self motived and driven is every employer's dream and what we would all like to hope all mums, not just the Tigers help to instill in their kids.
Posted by: Kim Delaney | February 23, 2011 at 01:47 AM