The Dirty South, NASCAR and This - All The Proof You Need the World Is Now Global...

You think the world isn't global everywhere?  You better think again - this picture I snapped reminded me of the reality over the weekend:

That's right - a pickup truck in Birmingham, AL.  You expect the small decal on the back windshield - a Jeff Gordon NASCAR sticker.  What you don't expect is a donkey-sized Manchester United sticker, and you especially don't expect both together.  

But that's the world your employees see these days.  A pickup.  NASCAR.  Premiere League Soccer.  +whatever else they sprinkle in from a shrinking globe fueled by a 24/7, always on media world.

Look at the stickers in your parking lot - you'll probably see some surprises.

Stuff the Capitalist (aka KD) Likes: White Guys Giving Bad High-Fives Inside Your Company

Who am I?  Who cares?  Good questions.  It's my site, so I'm going to tap into Fridays once in awhile by telling you more about who I am - via a "Stuff I Like" series.  Nothing too serious, just exploring the micro-niche that resides at the base of all of our lives.  Potshots encouraged in the comments.

There's nothing better than white guys giving bad High-Fives inside your company.  

Note: My name is Kristian Patrick Dunn. I'm a white guy. Irish-American, even. It's OK for me to have this opinion. 

For the rest of my thoughts I why I love this so much - click over to my post on topic at Fistful of Talent, where you'll find the following featured:

1. Bro activity - bad posturing as you give the high five outside the conference room.

2. Puddy from Seinfeld - as an example of asking for the high-five, a sure sign that you shouldn't be giving it.

3. Height and gender challenges with high-fives - now derailing this simple team-building activity at a company near you.

If you're a white guy or love a white guy who's reaching with his use of the high-five, click over at take a look at this post now.

Still, when a white guy gives a bad high-five, I can't....look....away....

Employee vs. Associate: What Should You Call Your People?

Capitalist Note - had someone lecture me about the need to call people "associates" last week. I like that tag fine, but I told them the story outlined below. On my mind, so I'm rerunning the post.

Short answer: It doesn't matter, your actions are much more meaningful than the tag you use..

Short story.  I was a young up and comer in a Director-level position with a Fortune 500 back in the early 2000s - way more responsibility than my resume and age said I deserved.  I was at a national HR meeting - top 20 people in HR in the company, the corporate functional HR heads (comp, benefits, etc.) and all the field leaders.  I don't remember how it came up, but I offered up a cut and dry opinion that we shouldn't call our talent employees - we should be calling them "associates"...

And the Darth Vader of HR at the company (a great guy BTW) proceeded to absolutely assassinate me in front of the group with a 5 minute rant on why that was pure Bull#### (quote).

What he said, I later came to realize, was the truth.  If you're going to be cute with what you call employees, you better deliver on whatever promise you think you're making.  Additionally, you can just keep calling your people "employees" and do all the upstream stuff you think the other names indicate and you'll end up in the same place.  Without risking looking like a moron.

He was right.  He gave me a Nancy Kerrigan whack at the knees.  He later tried to promote me into a higher position in the West that would have required big relo.  I said no based on my gut about the division head I would have been working for.  7 months later Darth flew in and shut down the office I would have been leading from.  

Nothing but lessons from that guy.  Trust your gut when it comes to career.  And it doesn't make one ### worth of difference what you call the people who work for your company.  All that matters is how you treat them and what you've got planned for them.

Thanks Darth.

WINNING: It Takes Care of Everything at Your Company, Right?

You know the drill.  The killer sales rep has issues with the ladies, the bottle and/or his teammates.  Because he performs, all are encouraged to look the other way - until he doesn't perform, at which time it's "game on."  It's a reality that dates back to prehistoric times, when the caveman with a skill for slaying 2X the woolly mammoth of mortal cavemen was given "space" for his actions around the campfire.

Revenue producer? We've got patience for your "quirks".  Cost center? Get it together, because we can find other talent without the baggage to make the trains run on time.

Does winning cover up personal baggage at your company?  How could it not? 

But - your company doesn't put "winning" as one of it's core values.  You're smarter than that. Which is why it's so interesting that Nike put Tiger Woods up as public display #1 that winning solves everything.  See the picture below (email subscribers click through for the visual).

Here's a link to the news coverage of Nike's decision to quote Tiger and really make it a corporate position.  Interesting vibe in these articles and about what you would expect.

Everyone knows that winning takes care of everything.  A better path would have been a redemption theme, which everyone could have gotten their head around.  

I might have had even more fun with the Tiger backstory:

Big Letters: "867-5309"

Little Letters: "Jenny, Tiger's got your number"

The lesson - when writing marketing copy, don't let the high performer with baggage craft the narrative.  Maybe the professionals ought to handle that.

Proposal Writing Pretty Much Sucks...

Ever read a proposal? Of course you have. 

The suits pretty much run the norms that are expected. To the point where the standards aren't related to legal necessity. They're really related to conformity and being boring as hell.  Don't take chances, don't take risks. Don't stand out.

It's awful. Do people really prefer talking like that?  The people I know don't.

Maybe I don't know enough people.

So that's why I'm trying to spice it up.  Here's what I have in my last proposal for travel costs:

"Travel will be passed through at cost.  We’ll travel somewhere between Lear jet and greyhound, which likely means Southwest, Courtyard by Marriot, two Diet Mt. Dews and a rented Malibu."

If they don't like that, then they probably won't like us.  Just sayin...

5 Things to Include In Your "Thanks for the Memories" Email After You Get Fired...

If you're 35 or over and haven't been fired yet in your career, one of two things is likely - you haven't looked for a job that stretches you to the point you might fail, or you take zero chances in your jobs/career and are way too concerned with maintaining the status quo, or what Barry Manilow liked to call "feelings".

Getting fired can actually be a depth-building experience.  In a lot of cases, you're going to want to say goodbye with a "thanks for the memories" letter/email that says goodbye to the people you worked with. Groupon CEO Andrew Mason recently got fired and left the blueprint for the "thanks for the memories" email.  Here's the five elements you want to hit to make yourself look like someone that truly "got it" and is someone the masses would want to work with again - or hire - in the future:

1. Act like you didn't get fired, then admit that you did. Mason did it and it's perfect.  "I'm going to explore other options. I'm exploring those options involuntarily, because I just got canned."

2. Say things weren't going great and you're accountable. 

3. Say that the best way for the people working for and around you to reinvent themselves is for you to get out of the way.  It shows confidence in the team and highlights the fact that you know other people were adding a lot of the value - not just you.

4. Add a pop culture reference to tell people what you got out of the experience. 

5. Give them something you learned that you wish you would have done differently, and encourage them to go for it.  Don't whine on this one - come up with something real but stay classy.  No "If I could share one thing, it would be to watch out for the backstabbers".  Come up with something real that shows you're a self-reflective SOB/DOB.  

See Mason's letter below with highlights referencing my 5 things in the order they appear above.

Next time you get fired, drop some science with this type of letter.  You'll get hired into a future job you didn't deserve as a result of doing it.

The Andrew Mason Goodbye Letter

(This is for Groupon employees, but I'm posting it publicly since it will leak anyway)

People of Groupon,

After four and a half intense and wonderful years as CEO of Groupon, I've decided that I'd like to spend more time with my family. Just kidding - I was fired today. If you're wondering why... you haven't been paying attention. From controversial metrics in our S1 to our material weakness to two quarters of missing our own expectations and a stock price that's hovering around one quarter of our listing price, the events of the last year and a half speak for themselves. As CEO, I am accountable.

You are doing amazing things at Groupon, and you deserve the outside world to give you a second chance. I'm getting in the way of that. A fresh CEO earns you that chance. The board is aligned behind the strategy we've shared over the last few months, and I've never seen you working together more effectively as a global company - it's time to give Groupon a relief valve from the public noise.

For those who are concerned about me, please don't be - I love Groupon, and I'm terribly proud of what we've created. I'm OK with having failed at this part of the journey. If Groupon was Battletoads, it would be like I made it all the way to the Terra Tubes without dying on my first ever play through. I am so lucky to have had the opportunity to take the company this far with all of you. I'll now take some time to decompress (FYI I'm looking for a good fat camp to lose my Groupon 40, if anyone has a suggestion), and then maybe I'll figure out how to channel this experience into something productive.

If there's one piece of wisdom that this simple pilgrim would like to impart upon you: have the courage to start with the customer. My biggest regrets are the moments that I let a lack of data override my intuition on what's best for our customers. This leadership change gives you some breathing room to break bad habits and deliver sustainable customer happiness - don't waste the opportunity!

I will miss you terribly.

Love,

Andrew

HR and Marketing: How the "Google to Indeed to Career Site" Food Chain Changes the Game...

I'm up over at Kinetix client iMomentous talking about the new math related to how candidates find your open positions in today's world, with a big hat tip to Bob Corlett.  Check it out:

"Let’s examine how much mobile really matters looking at some of the numbers shared by Bob Corlett in the Washington Business Journal.  You like numbers?  How about these numbers? (see references for Bob’s stats by visiting his blog at Staffing Advisors):

-Ten times more job seekers start their job search on Google than anywhere else.

-Indeed is now reported as the #1 source of hire for employers in the US.

-How did that happen?  Two out of three searches of any kind originate on Google. And Google job searches often lead job seekers to Indeed. Indeed has three times more unique visitors per month than the job boards.

-More than one out of every three minutes spent online is now spent “beyond the PC” on smart phones and tablets. Already 30 percent of Indeed’s total candidate visits are mobile. They encourage it.

-Only 4 percent of job seekers start their job search with a specific company in mind. So if your ads are not in the right place to be seen, you won’t be considered. And if somehow candidates do see your ad, 34 percent will not apply if your application process is too much of a hassle.

So, the call for a mobile-friendly careers site in recruiting is pretty clear.  The chain of command goes like this these days – Google to Indeed to Your Career Site, where a decision on whether to apply is made. At least one out of three candidates are doing that on a mobile device, so why wouldn’t you have a mobile-friendly site ready for mobile users?"

What do you need to differently with that in mind?  Other than thinking about the impact of mobile, you need to think like a marketer.  There's millions of things for a job seeker to read on the web when they fire up Google - so what makes your openings notable?

Probably nothing.  Which is why you need to put on your marketing hat and write better headlines and copy to your job postings.

The irony - job seekers give your job posting the same amount of time you give their resume as a recruiter - about 5 seconds.  If there's nothing compelling in there, why should they care?

They won't.  At least the right candidate won't.  Start thinking more like a marketer with your copy.

Are Motivational Posters in the Workplace Dead? If So, What's Next?

I'll admit it.  I never liked the fluffy motivational posters that people like Successories put out. You know the ones - big title like "Potential" with a picture of an iceberg with a subtitle that says, "the greatest things you're capable of are unseen by others."  Or some %$#$ like that.  I'm probably not the best one to write those things.

Because I'm jaded.  

As I travel around, I see fewer and fewer of the "up with people" motivational posters.  I think they've run their course for the most part, where even the optimists get limited pump from seeing the iceberg.

Which begs a question - if Successories are dead, what's next?  What's next is you writing you own catchy slogan. Something with your personality, decidedly un-"successories" like and hopefully with a little humor mixed in.

You know - write a slogan like regular people talk.  Something that could hit a t-shirt at your company that real people can related to and maybe rally around a little bit. Need examples?  I've one for you from the world of sports that should get your corporate creativity flowing...

Let's look at Ray Lewis (controversial linebacker for the Super Bowl Champion Ravens).  He's "Pissed Off for Greatness":

Why is he pissed off for greatness?  Because he's tired of you being OK with being mediocre.  You're better than that, my friend, you just need to get a little pissed off.  Here's video of Ray explaining his performance philosophy (email subscribers click through for video), watch the whole thing (2 minutes):

Oh my.  It's a call for discretionary effort, but rather than saying those words or talking about boring words like engagement, he's wrapping it up in the mantra "pissed off for greatness". Which is pure play t-shirt and coffee mug fodder that the cynics can rally around.  

We all need the same things from our people.  Think differently about how you market that need to cut through the clutter, and you win big.

HARASSED: Why You Need to Add These Text Exchanges to Whatever Harassment Training You Do...

Gradually - and I mean gradually - your managers are waking up to the fact that text messages don't deserve the informality that they're granted.

What do I mean?  We've learned that conversations can be taped or confirmed through witnesses. We've learned that email is discoverable and generally toxic. With that learning in mind, managers and employees watch what they say and the world is generally a better place, with less bullying in the workplace and a general awareness of what you say being held against you.

But when it comes to texting, our world still grants sending a text with informality that it's more like a one-on-one conversation rather than a email exchange. That might work for someone's private life, but it's poison for the workplace.  Or any merging of workplace and private life.

Ask Tiger Woods what ill-advised texting can do to a career.

I could tell you to add the Tiger Woods texting stream to your next Harassment Training for managers.  But Tiger Woods is too much of a mega-star to really help them relate.

So I found one your managers can relate to.  A Toledo track and field coach who was having relationships with the student-athletes he "managed".  Check it out from Deadspin:

"It was a matter of rules and consequences, he said. On Jan. 24, Kevin Hadsell, the director of the University of Toledo's men's and women's cross country and women's track program, announced his resignation, a move that was as mysterious as it was abrupt. Hadsell had been at Toledo since 1998, and in the intervening years he had built the Rockets into a regional power, becoming an institution unto himself along the way. The 42-year-old was a five-time Mid-American Conference coach of the year. He did color commentary on Toledo women's basketball games, and he hosted a weekly podcast and radio show. He cut a lively figure on campus, and when Toledo's football coach, Tim Beckman, decamped for Illinois, Hadsell evidently felt he had enough clout around town that he could scoff at the decision from his Twitter account. "You couldn't pay me enough $ to take certain jobs in big conferences," he wrote. "Some schools are dead-end jobs in some sports. Think two moves ahead."

What Hadsell and the university did not say is that the coach was forced to resign after a female runner had accused him of sexual harassment. The runner, whom we'll call Andrea to protect her identity, had also revealed to the school that Hadsell had been in a long-term physical relationship with her teammate and friend.

Deadspin has obtained text messages sent to Andrea over the past five months from Hadsell's phone. They range in tone from the flirty to the frankly sexual, growing obsessive and paranoid as he learns of the university's investigation; until the very end, it seems, he was unaware that it was Andrea who had turned him in.

"I'm too ***ing selfish," Hadsell joked to Andrea on Oct. 22, denying a relationship with the other runner, whom we will refer to as Caitlin. "I'm down for drinks, laughs, sex. Other than that I value my free time." Earlier, he had told Andrea: "Not gonna lie. I would hook up with [Caitlin] (I havmt) but if she wasn't psycho I would." He added, "It may be a good ride. Just sayin."

The guy is obviously troubled and there's good reason he's not employed anymore at Toledo.

But there's a lesson for your managers in here.  Stop being informal with texting to the people you manage.  It's going to be leveraged against you.  Check out the informality in these text exchanges from the manager in question as reported by Deadspin:

Hadsell: "I want to talk."

Hadsell: "And Be real"

Andrea: "Okay we can"

Hadsell: "Dude. Straighgt up...can I trust you? And. Are u really interested in me?"

Andrea: "Yes you can trust me"

No further texts for an hour. Then:

Hadsell: "Are u awake?"

Hadsell: ":("

No further texts until 12:57 a.m.

Hadsell: "I guess not. ***k."

Four days later, while in Wisconsin for a cross-country meet, Andrea told Hadsell she knew he'd been sleeping with Caitlin, who had graduated the previous spring. Hadsell denied everything.

Andrea: "you really don't lead her on at all?"

Hadsell: "Dude. I don't. I don't completely discourage. I'm a guy. Duhh. That's honest."

Andrea: "I knew it"

Andrea: "Hahahahaha"

Hadsell: "Like you know what I mean. You're not ENCOURAGING. But you're not"

Hadsell: "DISCOURAGING"

Informality via text. This example is extreme, but your managers are in the margins with the people who report to them way too much.

Add informal texting to your next harassment training/managerial skills training platform.

Use of Comic Sans Can Ruin Your Career Prospects..

It's true.  Comic Sans generates unbelievably strong reactions and opinions from those who encounter it in corporate America.

The year is 1998.  A young HR Capitalist decides to do a back of the napkin employee survey in a 1500 person unit of a Fortune 500.  After a bit of research, stealing from the best and modifying it to reflect his personal style, the survey was sent out via paper (no Survey Monkey in 1998, yo).

In one week, a complaint went into the Corporate Ombudsman from multiple members of the unit's engineering team,  The complaint is summarized as follows below:

"The HR team is attempting to manipulate responses to the employee survey, as evidenced by their use of Comic Sans on the printout.  Everyone knows that Comic Sans has been proven to generate more positive reactions and responses than would otherwise be expected when used in printed documents asking for opinions."

Really?  I just used it because I thought it looked cool and interrupted the pattern. I soon learned that people HATE them some Comic Sans.  The hatred bordered on pathological.

We did the survey anyway.  Somehow people overcame my attempts to be the puppet-master by telling us how much they hated working for their boss. Our follow up action plan was stellar.

What did I learn from that experience?  Looking to differentiate by using a funky font is a poor plan. For every one person that digs it, four hate it. The rest don't care.  You don't need the hate.

Check out the video below (2:00 in the video) on Comic Sans haters (email subscribers click through for video).  

Long live freaking Arial.  Maybe a little Tahoma when you're feeling alternative.  (h/t on video to Gizmodo)