The Boss's Pool Party - Should I Stay or Should I Go?

Since this site is geared towards HR pros and others charged with the responsibility for managing components of human capital , I generally don't do a lot of Q&A from employees.  I'd rather focus this site on dialog with HR people and others charged with managing workforces.

But there's always an exception to the rule, and I found it at Workplace Management Strategies over the holidays, where Nick recently fielded a question from an employee about whether he/she should go to a pool party at their boss's house.  It's a scream - here's a clip:

"A prestigious physician organization is having a pool party at his home on a weekend. I am relatively new with this organization and manage one of the dept. I am finding myself in the middle of a values debate. There are staff who (like myself) feel it is inappropriate to socialize on personal time with subordinates and co-workers. There are other staff who are very excited about going to the bosses’ house and talk about the bikinis they are going to wear, etc.

While I have declined the invitation on the premise that I have other plans, I think this is a sexual harassment lawsuit waiting to happen. In addition, I have worked so hard to have a professional image at work that I cannot imagine either seeing my subordinates, co-workers, and boss in swimming “attire” or having them see me in such a personal state of undress. (Yes, I am modest, but have my share of swimming suits that I wear around friends and family ). How can I assist those staff who are feeling pressured to attend a function they feel is inappropriate or makes them uncomfortable?"

I can't think of a worse combination - a party involving alcohol at the boss's house, requiring people who are already uncomfortable with the shape of their bodies to make decisions about whether to wear a swimsuit, get in the water, drink while swimming, etc.    It's just a nasty combination.

I won't wax poetic too long on this one.  If I were giving advice to a single employee, I would tell them there are three options:

1.  Go and be fully engaged - (break out the speedo).

2.  Don't go and provide a real reason that's acceptable - (schedule a function with the kids or family so you can explain there's a conflict - no one needs to know which was scheduled first).

3.  Do a "drop-in" and then provide the same reason for why you can only stay 30 minutes, and won't be getting wet (no speedo - you're fully clothed with threads that suggest no one should push you into the pool).

If you are repulsed by the idea of the pool party (and I can't stop chuckling about the poor judgment of the manager), whether you choose option #2 or #3 depends on the personality of the manager.  Some managers will hold this type of shindig and respect the fact you aren't coming, comforted by the fact that you are a top performer who's simply opting out of the speedo and belly-fest.  Others (and I think this is more rare) will be upset that you aren't coming and it might impact your professional standing, to which I provide the drop-in option.

So choose carefully.  Go and do a back slap if necessary, but be headed to a wedding or something formal.  I just hope the back you slap is relatively free of hair/suntan oil....

Comments

[HR Wench]

Seeing my co-workers in swimming suits is something I can definitely do without.

[Joel]

What a bunch of scared wussies...there is NOTHING wrong with socializing and comradery outside of the office; in fact, I think there is far too little of it in today's workplace, as the lawyers have scared everyone silly. Professional conduct is a given, and if co-workers can't be courteous and respectful during a pool party, you've got a "content of their character" issue, not a legal liability. My two cents...

Joel

[Christine]

I don't see any difference between a pool party and a company picnic, and have attended off-site, after hours "meetings" of both types. These types of occasions provide a wonderful opportunity to meet coworkers (and perhaps their families) outside the work environment and may provide an opportunity to get to know each other better. Who knows? You just might learn something that will make your working relationships more productive and/or rewarding!

[Kris]

I have to concur with HR Wench on this one. I don't really want to see anyone I work with in a swimsuit. Just not interested..but that's just me...

Joel and Christine - That's one of the reason's I think there are the three answers to what you can do. For those that don't want to go, figure out a way to skip or lightly attend without harming yourself professionally.

That being said, it's not a great idea from a motivation standpoint. Lot's of people out there aren't comfortable with their body types, and this type of function just puts the beacon on them. Maybe the right way to handle is to list the attire you are expecting, then put swimsuit "optional". That way people could still come and hang without feeling like they have to show skin...

KD