The Boss's Pool Party - Should I Stay or Should I Go?

Since this site is geared towards HR pros and others charged with the responsibility for managing components of human capital , I generally don't do a lot of Q&A from employees.  I'd rather focus this site on dialog with HR people and others charged with managing workforces.

But there's always an exception to the rule, and I found it at Workplace Management Strategies over the holidays, where Nick recently fielded a question from an employee about whether he/she should go to a pool party at their boss's house.  It's a scream - here's a clip:

"A prestigious physician organization is having a pool party at his home on a weekend. I am relatively new with this organization and manage one of the dept. I am finding myself in the middle of a values debate. There are staff who (like myself) feel it is inappropriate to socialize on personal time with subordinates and co-workers. There are other staff who are very excited about going to the bosses’ house and talk about the bikinis they are going to wear, etc.

While I have declined the invitation on the premise that I have other plans, I think this is a sexual harassment lawsuit waiting to happen. In addition, I have worked so hard to have a professional image at work that I cannot imagine either seeing my subordinates, co-workers, and boss in swimming “attire” or having them see me in such a personal state of undress. (Yes, I am modest, but have my share of swimming suits that I wear around friends and family ). How can I assist those staff who are feeling pressured to attend a function they feel is inappropriate or makes them uncomfortable?"

I can't think of a worse combination - a party involving alcohol at the boss's house, requiring people who are already uncomfortable with the shape of their bodies to make decisions about whether to wear a swimsuit, get in the water, drink while swimming, etc.    It's just a nasty combination.

I won't wax poetic too long on this one.  If I were giving advice to a single employee, I would tell them there are three options:

1.  Go and be fully engaged - (break out the speedo).

2.  Don't go and provide a real reason that's acceptable - (schedule a function with the kids or family so you can explain there's a conflict - no one needs to know which was scheduled first).

3.  Do a "drop-in" and then provide the same reason for why you can only stay 30 minutes, and won't be getting wet (no speedo - you're fully clothed with threads that suggest no one should push you into the pool).

If you are repulsed by the idea of the pool party (and I can't stop chuckling about the poor judgment of the manager), whether you choose option #2 or #3 depends on the personality of the manager.  Some managers will hold this type of shindig and respect the fact you aren't coming, comforted by the fact that you are a top performer who's simply opting out of the speedo and belly-fest.  Others (and I think this is more rare) will be upset that you aren't coming and it might impact your professional standing, to which I provide the drop-in option.

So choose carefully.  Go and do a back slap if necessary, but be headed to a wedding or something formal.  I just hope the back you slap is relatively free of hair/suntan oil....